If you’re one of the unlucky ones who won’t be heading too far for the Easter break, well, that’s a real shame…

Luckily there’s a bit going down in and around Melbourne town and Regional Vic. I mean, it’s no cheeky trip to Bali, but it’s still pretty good. Besides, going to Bali is pretty much the same as staying in Australia only with heaps more bogans in close proximity. Probs best to stay put, hey?

Have a happy and safe long weekend, fam…it’s the last one we’re gonna get for a while *insert ugly crying here*

Rip Curl Pro (above)
Bells Beach
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If you’ve never been to the classic Rip Curl Pro at the iconic Bells Beach, you’re simply not Victorian. I’ve never been, but I’m legit not Victorian, I’ve only lived here for 22 years. I was in Torquay a couple of weekends ago and it was sunny one minute and arctic the next. My partner laughed at me saying ‘Duh, it’s like you’ve never been to Victoria before’, then he ran off in his nice, warm, snuggly hoodie and jacket, leaving me behind wearing my four jumpers. Anyways, this will be your last chance to see living legend and national treasure, Mick Fanning, compete EVER so get down and give old mate heaps of love. 

Melbourne International Comedy Festival
Various Locations
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I have pretty standard lines whenever I’m asked to write about the Comedy Festival and it’s pretty much goes like this every year:

The Melbourne International Comedy Festival is BACK for its month-long Melbourne-run and as usual, there is SO much on that we simply can’t decide our favourites. Also, comedy’s pretty subjective, so really, you should just peruse the hundreds and hundreds of performers yourself and pick a couple to go see. 

This is pretty much my way of saying “I'm too lazy to go through the program to select highlights so you just go ahead and do it on your own.”

Shitfaced Shakespeare
Malthouse Theatre
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Having said all of the above, one MICF performance that grabbed our attention was Shakespearan Sensation’s, Romeo and Juliet. The premise is the usual Shakespearean fare, only prior to the performance, the group chooses one actor to get absolutely shitfaced before they hit the stage. Now that’s our kind of theatre.

Free Ceramics Classes
Céramiques, Elsternwick
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Melbourne’s gone handmade/artisan/hobby/craft-crazy in the last few years—I’ve had a number of friends who’ve wanted me to sign up to do pottery classes with them, but I never do because classes can be expensive and I’ve usually drunk my entire salary one week into the pay cycle. To celebrate their official launch, Elsternwick’s brand new pottery centre, Ceramiques, will be offering free classes from April 02-27 for those who wanna see what all the fuss is about before committing their beer money to a longer course. Get in quick.

Easter Cup Races
Caulfield Racecourse
Details

Apparently there are horse races all year round, but the way Melburnians lose their marbles every Spring Racing carnival, you’d think it was a one-off thing. In addition to the races, this weekend’s Easter Cup will host Shane Delia’s Biggie Smalls, an Easter egg hunt, the Bondi Sands Pool Party and most importantly, a Pimms Bar, which you’re gonna need if you’re there with a bunch of kids high on sugar and good times.